The Only Dyke at the Open Mic

I was feeling blue the other night so I
Walked down the street to the neighbourhood open mic
Thinking if I played a couple of songs
It just might make me feel alright

I walked up to the bar and put down my guitar
And ordered myself a tea because I couldnÕt afford a beer
And then I sat down and took a look around the place
And surveyed all the faces in there

There were some college kids slamming back a couple of pitchers and a Group of teachers in v-neck sweaters, planning their next strike
And on the mic was a Kurt Cobain look-alike in converse shoes
Singing some grunge-love, suicide blues

There were some old boys sitting at the bar, giving me the stare
They were checking out my hair
And I thought ÒOh my god, what am I doing here?
Right now, I could really use that beer.Ó

Chorus:
IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
My throatÕs feeling a little tight and itÕs getting hot in here
I'm the only dyke at the open mic
I wish I was on that flight tonight, Joni, get me outta here

When Kurt sang his final note
He left the stage to smoke cigarettes and drink him self depressed
And the hostess asked if IÕd like to play a couple of tunes
Well, I guess I didnÕt have much to lose

So, I jumped up on stage but I bumped into the mic stand
And it crashed landed to the floor
And the hostess ran up to help me out as I was
Fighting off my second round of self-doubt

Chorus:
IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
And the micÕs down on the floor and IÕm already looking for the door
I'm the only dyke at the open mic
IÕm just trying to look cool but IÕm feeling a bit foolish

Then, it took me what seemed like forever to tune my guitar
And I could hear the old boys at the bar snickering through the darkness
And IÕm still thinking, ÒDo I really have to go through with this?Ó

Then the microphone started feeding back on me
And the sound guy freaked out
And I felt like I was in one of those classic movie scenes
You know or like the time when Ellen Degeneres finally came out

And the old boys at the bar had their backs to me now
And Kurt Cobain was getting drunk and loud
The teachers were rowdy and ready to call union meeting and me?
I was still contemplating leaving

Then, I heard someone say ÒI hope this chick doesnÕt stick around,
Cuz IÕve had enough for one day.Ó
And then I ripped into my first song and I blew them all away

Chorus:
IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
I'm working the crowd and I'm making them laugh out loud
I'm the only dyke at the open mic
Well, what do you know? I was winning Ôem over

(break)

So, I finished my tunes to a round of whistling and clapping
And I was packing up my guitar case
When one of the old boys from the bar came over
With a really sheepish look on his face

And IÕm thinking ÒOK, whatÕs this guy going to say to me?
I better get ready.Ó
But he slapped me on the shoulder and
He said with a grin, ÒI loved your songs, man
I wish I was a lesbian.Ó

Chorus:
Yeah, IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
Strumming my guitar in this dingy little bar, yeah
IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
Belting out songs about women, feeling good when IÕm singing

Yeah, IÕm the only dyke at the open
Strumming my guitar in this dingy little bar
IÕm the only dyke at the open mic
Some nights I gotta push myself a little farther